Standing in the ruins

I read this blog today Chaos…Mess…Ruin and it resonated for me, particularly the quote from Elizabeth Gilbert: “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

When my husband left, it felt like he left my life in ruins…what I thought was true, was no longer true, what I thought was a solid foundation ended up being nothing but dust.  I stood there in the ruins wondering…how could this have happened? what could I have done differently? where did we go wrong? what will become of me?

I wish I could say that my life has been transformed and what a great gift this has been, but that’s not where I am.  I am still in the ruins, but I’m starting to see the treasures that have been hidden, that I missed while busy propping up a failing marriage.  I want the transformation…the ruins to be rebuilt…bigger and better than ever, but I know that’s not how it works.

I know I need to be patient with myself…have compassion for myself and allow the road to transformation unroll before me.  My job is to keep moving forward on that road, even though it sometimes feels too long and too overwhelming.  Some days I get stuck in the ruins and think about what they used to be and it feels like I’ll never move past.  But there are other days, when the sun is shining, the road is inviting and the gifts shimmer in the distance.