Me Right Now

“In order to be who I was born to become, life couldn’t have happened any other way.” Matt Kahn

This quote seems so obvious that of course who I am is the result of things that happened to me, but it is so much more profound.

It tells me that I was born to be who I am today, this is my destiny…me right now. It’s not me, but 50 pounds lighter or me with highlights or me that speaks French or me that makes a $100 000/year or me who is in love…it is me right now. Take a minute to take that in…the me you are right now is perfect, this me is meant to be right now. How can I not love or care for or accept this me who exists in this moment. This is the me that life wants me to be and I know that because this is the way life happened to me and it couldn’t have happened any other way.

I have spent a lot of time in the past 5 years thinking about how life could have happened differently…there are lots of if onlys and what ifs and remember when. It makes me start to think how much time I have wasted and feel bad about myself, but that is what needed to happen in order for me to become who I was born to be. I needed those experiences, that hurt, that replaying or re-storying to get to the me right now.

And what I know about the me right now is that she is pretty amazing! She’s lived through some hard things, she’s resilient and strong, she’s compassionate, she’s a good mom, she’s funny and she’s determined to do good in the world. If life happened any other way, I would not be the me I am today and really that would be okay too, because then I would be that me whose life couldn’t have happened any other way.

Covid-19 changes everything or does it?

This is a strange and unusual time as we socially isolate, physically distance and take time away from our usual busyness of life. It is easy to get caught in the fear and anxiety as we face uncertainty for ourselves and those we care about. I am certainly not immune to that, there are a lot of “what ifs” out there. However, these “what ifs” have always been there and will always be there…tomorrow is uncertain…that is a fact! We have no real  control over what tomorrow will bring or the next hour or the next minute, we can only control what we do and to some extent what we think.

Reality continues on regardless of what I may think, believe or do…I do believe I can have some influence, but there are higher things at play then I know. I can only trust that they will play out as they are meant to and that I will be okay in that. I have managed all the tough things in my life so far and I’m pretty confident I can handle what might come next, even if it’s hard, even if I’ve never experienced anything like that before. So if I can’t change my reality, what can I do?

1. Accept reality.  It is what it is. (It eeez what it eeez, as my daughter says in a weird Count Dracula kind of voice).

2. Focus on love, not fear. There is an abundance of both and this is where freedom lies. I can focus my thoughts on love, on acceptance, on compassion or I can focus on thoughts of fear. This doesn’t mean you won’t have thoughts of fear, but when you do recognize them with love and kindness. Tell yourself the things you need to hear in those moments of fear…what would you tell your child, someone you care about. Check out Elizabeth Gilbert’s talk on Facing Fear with Compassion to learn more.

This is where we have influence in reality…the more we live in love, the more that spreads and grows keeping fear in its place. I listened to a Brene Brown podcast this morning where she talked about the contagious effect of calm, so let’s bring a little more calm to the world.

Yet another 2020 post

I know it’s so overdone…another post about the rolling over of one year to the next of one decade to the next…yes time goes on…

…we get older

…we learn

…we reflect

…we let go

…we anticipate what could be

…and most of all we wonder how did we get to this particular place in our life…or at least that’s what I wonder.

How did I get here?? I’m a 50 year old divorced woman with a decent career, some financial security, a beautiful daughter, family and friends and really so much, but it doesn’t feel like it. I have worked hard and been smart about many choices in my life, but somehow it doesn’t feel like enough. I’m not celebrating what I have, but lamenting what I do not have and I’m wise enough to know that is foolish.

I do practice gratitude regularly and have done so for 4 or 5 years…I think it’s a good reminder for me but it doesn’t bring me to the state of inner peace that I think it should based on its promotion.  See there I go lamenting the lack of gratitude I have when I should be celebrating…the ego knows no ends. 😉

Anyways as I sit here at the start of 2020 wondering what it is I want from life in this decade and trying to be grateful for the past decade, I’m at a bit of a standstill. I feel some pressure to make things happen, that time is running out and I need to take charge. At the same time though I feel like life unfolds as it will and maybe it’s not up to me to bend life to my will, but allow myself to bend towards life’s will and be at peace with that.

 

What if you never find “the one”?

Scrolling through Facebook, I see this title “what if you never find the one?” and of course I have to read it. I thought I had “the one”, but he ended up only being “the one” for awhile. That’s been really tough to let go and honestly what gives me hope is thinking I’ll eventually meet a new “the one” and we’ll go on to have a lovely life together and all will be good.

In this article, she asks what if we knew for certain we would never find “the one”, what would we change, how would our life be different. At first, I really resisted that idea, why would I even want to think that? Of course, there’s another “the one”, how could there not be…I want that…that’s love and love gives meaning to our lives.

As I continued to ponder, I began to realize how much energy goes into this idea of finding “the one” and how much negativity and self-criticism stem from here. Am I putting my life on hold waiting for “the one”, because then I will be complete. Don’t get me wrong, I have a great life and feel pretty good about myself, but this is one area that haunts me, drags me down. Because really deep down, there is a belief that I need to find “the one” to be good enough…if no man loves me, what does that say about me as a woman. As a feminist, I hate to even think that I think this thought, but it’s there. I let this belief take away from the positives in my life, because I don’t have “the one”.

The point of this article isn’t to abandon the desire to be in a relationship, but to really be present in your life as it is today…to celebrate who you are…to live your life on your own terms…to be “the one”…to love and accept yourself. Now that’s worthy of putting time and energy towards.