A conversation with a ghost.

So today’s prompt from Writing 101 is basically to compare and contrast and for an extra challenge to use dialogue to do it, so here it goes…

I eavesdrop part way through a conversation between the Allen of today and the ghost of Allen past…

The ghost of Allen past explained to the Allen of today “you owe her this, because she has been there for you for the past 17 years and you have been the one that kept these secrets.  I knew you should have told her long ago, but you said she wouldn’t understand and you didn’t want to risk our relationship.”

“I can’t change that now.  I kept everything in neat little boxes for a lot of years and thought I could keep that up, but it wasn’t me…I was denying part of who I am, a part that I deserve to explore and experience.  Besides she stopped being there for me.  You remember how it was even when we were first married.  I tried to make her happy, but it was never enough. Now it’s my turn to make me happy.”

“Don’t you think we could do that with her?” he said quietly.  “She was our soul mate, our heart filled with love at the sight of her, we couldn’t wait to see her at the end of the day…to talk…to kiss…to make love…just to be…remember?”

“That’s a long time ago”, said Allen of today, “she changed and I’ve changed.”  “She can’t accept who I am now, she’s not willing to let me have freedom in our relationship and I’m not willing to give up these parts of myself.  I know she doesn’t understand that…she still wants me to be you.  I’m not you anymore!!  I can’t fucking be you!!  Why can’t we all just move on?”

“But what are we moving on to?  What about our commitment?  What about our child?”

“It’s my turn to commit to myself…I’m sorry this is hurting everyone and I’ve felt like shit about that, but I can’t change what has been done and I can’t change who I am.” said Allen of today as he clenched his fists.  “Don’t you want to be happy?  Don’t you want all of your needs met?  This new relationship offers us it all…and it’s fun…don’t you want some fucking fun in your life?”

“Of course I want fun too, but I also want love, connection and security.  Remember how safe we felt with her, that she was the first person to really get us, we felt accepted with her, we were a family.  I know it’s been hard and I know we need to be true to our self, but I wonder if the cost is too high”… his voice trailed off and he seemed to be losing his substance.  The ghost of Allen had started out looking like just a younger version of the Allen of today, but now he looked fainter.

“Look I still love her, but not in the way she deserves to be loved.  I can’t be true to her and she won’t allow me freedom in our marriage, so there’s no choice.”

“There is a choice” the ghost said faintly, he was almost transparent now.  “You could chose to be faithful, to be committed, to figure out how to make this relationship work, now that she knows the truth.  I believe in her…I believe in us…I believe in love…by now he was just a whisper.

“I can’t!” said Allen, “I fucking can’t!  It’s over!!  Over!!”

With that, the ghost was gone and Allen was left…alone.